Weirdest Marketing Campaign
While up there, I was reading one of the smaller dailies, Dose, when I run across an ad for a Canadian convenience store called Mac's. The ad was for their version of the Slurpee called the Froster. Mac's has introduced a new flavor called... the Bloody Zit! Mmm... But if that hasn't gotten your taste buds salivating, the ad (which I also saw in a larger version on a bus stop) has a Froster cup sitting on what appears to be a surgery table with blood and puss splattered behind it. Delicious! To add to it, though I didn't get the opportunity to see it, there apparently is a television ad campaign where two teenage lovers who have "acne problems" see zits bleeding on each other, and lick them.
Now see, as a marketing grad I know that this is just brilliant. This extreme imagery is the only reason why I even noticed it, and of course as the corporate tool that I am, I checked out the Mac's across the street from my hotel to try it out. But, they went just a little too far in the theming department. To get myself to enjoy a beverage called a "Bloddy Zit" would have been hard enough, but once you get to the store they have sprinkle-on flavors that you may add with names such as the "Oily Blackhead". That just made the mental imagery too gross, and I ended up getting a Pepsi Froster. But see, it did enough to get me into the store, and that's a success in the advertising world.
But, if any of my massive legions of Canadian readers have tried the Bloody Zit, feel free to contact me here at AOwL.com to tell me what flavor it is.
Getting Around... Getting Lost!
Being a cold-weather climate, Torontonians take advantage of a massive underground city in their downtown area linked by tunnels called the PATH. Being the first week of warm-weather temperatures in the area, and not wanting to deal with the huslte-and-bustle of traffic on the surface, I chose to utilize the PATH to get around the city as often as I could. Lets just say, I probably could have used a GPS to navigate my way through the labyrinth of tunnels underneath the city. First, maps are few and far between, and don't mark where you are. So, once you're lucky enough to find a map, you have to run back to find a sign somewhere that tells you what building you're under. Then, you have to try and memorize the trail of buildings that you'll need to follow to get to your intended destination because you don't know when you'll find another map. Plus, each time you access a new building, you enter its food court and retail area which usually looks exactly like the one you just left, making you think that you're walking in circles.
The saddest example of this in my case was getting from the CBC building to Toronto city hall, which was the end of the PATH and next door to my hotel. The trip was about 10-15 blocks, so not right around the corner but not that far. If I would have stuck to the surface streets, it probably would have taken me about 20-30 minutes to make the trip. It took me nearly three hours! I ended up going in the complete opposite direction as I ended up walking in a giant circle underneath the city. If I had stuck to the surface, I could have used landmarks like the CN Tower to navigate myself, but you don't have that luxury when you're underground (and I was too stubborn to give up on my quest of making it back). And those who are looking for assistance from the denizens of the underground will quickly learn that they mainly stay in the PATH. Thus, they may not know how to get to where you want to go as they only know the route to get to where they need to be.
So, a tip for future visitors to Toronto that want to try out the underground... Take the map with you! Trust me on this, you'll save yourself a lot of headaches while getting to traverse the city in relative comfort.
Maybe Canadians Aren't That Smart
There's a great website out there called An American's Guide to Canada with cute little factoids observed by an American who moved up to Canada. One of her observations that I didn't fully grasp is that milk in Canada comes in plastic bags. I was thinking like single servings come in small bags like a Capri-Sun. I imagined little Canadian children at lunch fruitlessly punching at their pouch of milk with their crummy little plastic straws. But no, THEY SELL REGULAR MILK CARTONS IN PLASTIC BAGS! It was just so weird that I had to take a picture in the local grocery store. I had to like pick it up and survey it just to figure out the logistics of why it was deemed a preferable method of holding milk than, say, something that won't pop when you throw it in your cart. Now, I'm guessing that this is done to cut back on waste, as in order to use it you have to use a reusable plastic milk pitcher but there has to be a better way. Maybe they're just that far ahead of us Americans that they look at the plastic jugs that we use in astonishment.
They're Also Just As Likely to Blow A News Story Out of Proportion
Well, here in the Bay Area, we have the story of hottie teacher Debra Lafave having an illicit tryst with one of her students... In Canada the story of Karla Homolka. In just the couple of days that I was up there, I think I pretty much understand the story. About 15 years or so ago, Karla was married to a guy named Paul Bernardo, a dude who got his rocks off by raping and torturing young women before killing them. While wife Karla was not indicted with being involved in any of the murders, she isn't exactly an innocent party. It's said that she knew exactly what was going on, and even offered up her own sister by drugging her and giving her to Paul as a type of gift. In all, three women including Karla's sister, were murdered and Bernardo has been locked up for the rest of his life.
However, the Canadian media has jumped all over the story of Karla's upcoming release and the Ontario government's attempts to insure that she's not released unrestrained on the general population. Since the courtrooms were closed to the media, news reports showed countless photographers chasing after the prison van carrying the blonde-haired convict (probably another reason why the nation is so enraptured with the case, she was a very beautiful woman). Reports of her narcissim and her manipulative nature were front page news in all of the Toronto dailies, and things blew up when news of a prison library liaison with a fellow inmate, a guy who was convicted of strangling his ex-girlfriend who had just dumped him, was released.
Watching the news on CityTV Wednesday night, almost half of the entire newscast was reports on the Homolka case. They had news from the Quebec courtroom, interviews with protesters, a trip to Karla's hometown to get the reaction of locals, and any other bit of information they could milk out of the case.
Visit to Canada's Wonderland
One of the main things that I wanted to do was visit Parmount Canada's Wonderland, which is said to be home to the most roller coasters in Canada. The newest attraction at Canada's Wonderland is a new coaster based on the film The Italian Job called... Well, The Italian Job Stunt Track (pic). After waiting in line for about 45 minutes just for the ride to open, luckily the wait once it opened was relatively short (especially in comparison to the wait times throughout the day). In all, The Italian Job was kind of quick, but a cute little ride. Coming from Universal, I'm used to their massive coasters like the Incredible Hulk and Dueling Dragons. Definitely, none of the attractions at Canada's Wonderland comes close to these two awesome rides, but there were a lot of great rides. The Mighty Canadian Minebuster is probably the roughest wooden coaster I've ever been on, and while I only could stand going on it once, it was probably one of the coolest. A ride, that if it were a little bit longer would probably rate as my favorite inverted coaster over Dragons and Busch Gardens' Montu, was Top Gun. And a lot of love to theming an attraction after a movie that's nearly twenty years old. The Tomb Raider "flying" coaster was cool, but not as intense as Superman Ultimate Flight at Six Flags Over Georgia which was awesome. Plus, that there appeared to be dog crap right beneath you at the point that you go face-down was kind of gross. Luckily you were already a few feet up at that point so it wasn't like your face was going to rub in it.
Of course, me being as lame as I am, my favorite attraction wasn't one of the coasters... No, it was the SpongeBob Squarepants 3-D movie. Obviously, the attraction isn't meant to be there long-term, so it doesn't have any of the in-theater elements like at Universal's Shrek 4-D. However, the motion of the seats is more along the lines of Jimmy Neutron or the old Hanna-Barbera ride (if we're doing Universal comparisons). If only they had put a little more theming and more elements into it, it probably would have topped both of those in my opinion.
And that, I guess, is the thing at Universal and the other major Florida theme parks that you don't appreciate until you go to other parks. When you get into the line at say Jaws, you're supposedly immersed entirely into life in Amity Village which was the site of the movie. You enter the line, the TVs show the faux-TV show Good Day Amity on TV station WJWS, if you get stuck out in the extended queue, they have the radio station WJAW with Amity billboards. The queue building is made to look like a building on a fisherman's wharf with various fishing equipment and even some props from the film. It's, as we would say, a total experience from once you enter the line until you get off the ride. That kind of stuff is missing from places like Canada's Wonderland. Having never seen the movie The Italian Job, I couldn't really appreciate the elements of the attraction (like, if it's called The Italian Job, why are you racing around LA?). Each queue ran the same in-house video with various ads (Friday nights on the Family Channel and Lords of Dogtown, which I don't think even is a Paramount movie, and videos ran CONSTANTLY) don't really get you pumped for the ride. I know that these places are from a different era of theme parks, but it really does make you appreciate what goes into the new attractions here.
Anyways, I loved Canada's Wonderland... I wish that my legs weren't hurting from the journey through the PATH from the day before, or that I didn't want to go to the free night at the Royal Ontario Museum, to have gotten to spend more time there. I was wanting to go on an old school coaster called The Bat which took riders backwards and forwards over the same track, but as it could only run one cycle at a time, the line for it was long throughout the day.
Scott Thompson -- Gay Icon
I guess with the start of June being Gay Pride Month, last Wednesday Canadian television network launched their newest reality program My Fabulous Gay Wedding with host, former Kids In the Hall troupe member, Scott Thompson on the Global Network. I think Scott's pretty much found a niche for himself... Anything having to do with gay men, he seems to pop up. Hey, nothing wrong with that.
What made watching the show funny for me is the fact that my hotel, which is really a college dorm that leases rooms out during the summer, did not have television sets in the room. Like in a college dorm, there was a common room that had a television. Normally, I'd be in there all by myself, but halfway through the show, someone actually came in and sat down to watch TV with me. I'm about as straight a guy as can be, but I thought that it was funny that I was sitting there watching a gay marriage show with another guy. Can only imagine what type of impression that I made on him.
Anyways, the show was Queer Eye if the guys made over each other and got married at the end. I think I actually saw the first week's couple, Rob and Greg, at a dog festival I attended on Saturday. Anyways, Scott was barely in it but acted as the show's narrator (and would pop up on screen with cards showing how many more days to the wedding) as the future spouses go through the motions of having their weddings planned for them by a crew of wedding experts. The show is supposed to be carried as one of the inaugural programs for Viacom's gay-centric network Logo, but I haven't seen much on that channel in a while. It was supposed to launch in February, but it didn't and now the Viacom website makes no mention of them.
Other Things That I Got to Do
- Hang out at the top of the CN Tower: an obvious must if you're visiting the city (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3)
- Visited the Steam Whistle Brewery: located in a really cool old-fashioned building just next to the CN Tower, they were giving out free samples and it was really, really good. I'm not a beer connosieur per se, but I know what I like. (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3) It also had a great piece of art that I just don't understand why it's not hanging in a museum somewhere.
- Got to see the Stanley Cup at the Hockey Hall of Fame: makes you wonder what some of those guys in the "Legends" room think of what's happening to their sport now (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3)
- Visited the grandest palace in the game of hockey, Maple Leaf Gardens: really, something needs to be done to preserve this place. I had heard that a local grocery store chain was considering buying it and putting one of their stores in there, but opted not to partially due to public outrage. But right now, it's just an empty building and it's almost depressing to see it in the state it's in.
- Got to see the current homes of Toronto sports, the Air Canada Centre (pic) and the Rogers Centre (formerly SkyDome - pic): it killed me because I had found online that the last tours of the ACC were on May 31st, the day I got into town. Then, on Saturday at 4, I found a posting on their website stating that they were still offering tours through the end of June! So I missed out on my chance to visit the Leafs locker room.
- Visited the CBC Museum: kind of a waste of time, as it's really small and doesn't really offer much. I was thinking that there would be like a room dedicated to The Kids In the Hall or something. Nope, nada... But I did get to see the original trolley from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood which apparently started out as a Canadian television show.
- Attended Woofstock, a dog festival in the Distillery District: a lot of fun as the place was just crammed with people and dogs. (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3)
- Flying home on WestJet Airlines: well, WestJet is the equivalent to JetBlue airlines over here, with more legroom and TVs built into the headrests. As a TV junkie, I was totally looking forward to watching TV on my way back to Orlando, but for most of the flight the TVs didn't work. And, when they did, I couldn't really get the channels I wanted. So, I ended up finally getting to see Desparate Housewives... Only I had to watch it in French. But if anything can possibly make Eva Longoria hotter, it's hearing her with a French voiceover. C'est magnifique!
- Since I was so lazy that I wouldn't go out some nights, I did get to check out some cool stuff on TV. Besides Scott Thompson's reality show, I also got to see The Story of the Beastie Boys and Britney Spears: Live From Miami, which was from her Onyx Hotel Tour which they feature on her reality show, Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, on MuchMusic. I swear, I know people who have paid to see certain "shows" in New Orleans that don't get to see as much action as you could see at a Britney concert. Damn!
- Another show I got to watch (see, I keep telling you people I'm lazy!) was this Dancing With the Stars, which in Canada comes on CTV (here in the States it comes on ABC). At first, I had no idea what it was other than just a ballroom dancing show, but what caught my eye as I was flipping channels was this large guy gliding across the floor who looked exactly like boxer Evander Holyfield. Of course, it ends up that he really is Evander Holyfield. While I definitely like seeing him more on the dance floor than in the ring (where you can't help but worry over him), how many cool points do you lose by being seen on national television ballroom dancing? Just asking.
- Also, while watching TV, I got to see Canadian crooner Paul Anka, who was in town promoting his new album and was going to be inducted in the Canadian Entertainers Hall of Fame or something. Anyways, on his new album he remakes modern rock songs into big band and swing songs. He was on the news signing a skat version of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit, and it was really cool! Don't know how Kurt would have felt about it if he were still alive, but I liked it.
Things I Missed Out On
- I got to walk through the Entertainment District, but there wasn't really anything going on at the time that I wanted to check out. But, there were plenty of cool little bars and shops to visit that I saw.
- CityTV: well, I got to check out the news on City, but Friday nights on the channel are great. The first time I visited Toronto, I was flipping channels and came across this sock puppet smoking a cigar and swearing like a sailor. Something you never see in "the States". This was my first encounter with Ed the Sock whose show runs on Friday nights. He formerly had a show on MuchMusic USA before they changed the format to make Fuse. In addition, I could have totally embrassed all that makes me a wannabe Canadian as, on regular over-the-air television, they air Skinemax-style soft-core porn on Friday nights as part of their Baby Blue 2 series. I love that their website pretty much admits to the fact that they originally began airing these shows back when the channel first started out as a way to generate publicity for itself... And it worked! But, I was way too tired to make it that late on Friday, so I missed out on both.
- Reservoir Bitches: what sounded pretty funny, it was a play running at The Pilot which was an adaptation of Reservoir Dogs if it was played by women. Where being Mr. Pink would not be considered an insult (well, probably Ms. Pink wouldn't be an insult). Unfortunately, my lazy butt and my aching legs refused to let me get the ten blocks to see the play.
Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy
Man, I saw so many gorgeous women while I was up in Toronto that it wasn't even funny. I actually started taking pictures to post for you, but the first day I had taken up so much space on my camera's data card that I started to delete them so I could take other pictures. So, ladies of Toronto, it's a good thing that I don't live up there... And that I'm so lazy, or you'd be in trouble.
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