TV is Great!
Well, I had just a hugely-cheesy weekend this weekend, and what better way to heap huge helpings of cheese then watching made-for-cable movies. Sunday, with the Bucs playing in the afternoon and the Bears game not on TV, I settled in to two basic cable movies off of the Tivo: ESPN's Dale Earnhardt biopic "3" and the TNT action-adventure spoof "The Librarian: Quest for the Spear."
"3", like most biopics, chooses to combine huge moments in a public figure's life to save time. Thus, things seem to happen too conveniently to be real. As in one scene where Dale meets future wife Teresa on the same day as his first Winston Cup race which is also the same day that he meets who would become his future boss. In another, the infamous black 3 car is revealed in a press conference where Dale reunites with his estranged son. But, for the most part, ESPN does a good job with their biopics. I had no clue that Bear Bryant even coached at Texas A&M when I watched their take on "The Junction Boys" and the Pete Rose take in "Hustle" was entertaining, even if both suffer from the same faults. The acting, though, was incredible. Barry Pepper had Earnhardt's look and mannerisms down. Chad McCumbee as Dale Jr. and Greg Thompson as Darrell Waltrip were also incredible in their portrayals, nearly identical to the real-life people they were playing. While the ending, with Dale rising to heaven to meet his deceased father outside a textile mill was WAY over the top, I think the image of the final lap of the Daytona 500, with the FOX Sports commentary was the most poignant as you hear the voice of long-time rival Darrell Waltrip, whose brother just won his first NASCAR race in the sport's biggest event, is desperate for a sign that Dale's OK. I'd also like to point out, as a Darrell Waltrip fan when he was a racer, that Darrell has put up an excellent response to the movie on his website AllWaltrip.com. Yes people, I'm a NASCAR fan. Sorry to disappoint, but I grew up in Daytona Beach where it's pretty much mandatory.
On the flip-side from the unintentional cheese of "3" was the farcical TNT movie "The Librarian: Quest for the Spear". Pretty much, The Librarian is a spoof of the Indiana Jones series, with Noah Wyle playing the lead as a bumbling bookworm who's appointed to the task of protecting some of the world's greatest treasures. The movie's low on production values, a script filled with lame jokes, and REALLY bad acting, and yet it still is OK because you know that nobody's taking this seriously. Of course, it was also helped by Kelly Hu looking hot and falling for the nerdy Noah. The best scene, by far, is a fight scene between an evil group called the Serpent Brotherhood and BOB NEWHART! Honestly, this is a movie to watch if your bored with friends and want to do your own Mystery Science Theater 3000, but to a movie that gets the joke as well.
Some other great stuff on TV recently is the CourtTV/Sundance Channel short-series "The First Amendment Project", which are special features documenting court cases challenging the rights of Americans to the First Amendment; Bravo's history of Christmas specials creatively titled "The Christmas Special Christmas Special", and... Well this show deserves it's own topic...
The Return of High School Reunion
One of the funniest/saddest shows in the realm of reality TV made its return last week, and I couldn't be happier. It's the WB series "High School Reunion" where they take members of a graduating high school class and hold their 10-year reunion over a week in a Hawaiian mansion. This show is a human car wreck, and I'm just a happy rubbernecker driving by. First off, I can hardly remember more than ten people from my high school days. There was my group of friends; Aaron, Mike, Rob, Brian, Shaun, and Paul; and there was the girl I had a crush on Kelly. That's about it. These people not only remember each other, they have long standing grudges over miniscule events that occurred over a decade ago! I can't remember stuff I did ten days ago, let alone some guy who wants to kick my ass because I cut in front of him in the lunchline my sophomore year in high school.
Another great element of "High School Reunion" is how they give these people these tags like "The Jock", "The Cheerleader", "The Class Clown", like they're still exactly like they were ten years ago. Then, they totally live up to it. I guess it's true that we don't change as much as we think we do. This year's breakout star is Jamie "The Obsessed Ex", who is stalking her ex Gianni "The Basketball Star". As the story goes, Jamie and Gianni were a high school item, pretty much to the chagrin of Gianni himself. He couldn't talk with another member of the fairer sex without going psychotic, apparently cracking his windshield when she spotted him talking with another girl. While in high school, Gianni was enchanted with another member of his class "The Dream Girl" Loretta, but never had the opportunity to ask her out. Last night, Gianni got his "dream date" with Loretta and they had a little sleepover. Of course, they hook you in before a commercial break with Jamie tearing the house apart looking for them the following morning. Just great drama/unintentional comedy.
Random Thoughts
- We're going with another twofer to make up for the Women I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy, but not because they're underage. More because I've been too lazy to even write the dumb column. But these two beauties would definitely be worthy of my stalking resources should I ever be motivated to use them and would make a great combination. This week's "lucky" ladies are the CNN Headline News duo of morning anchor Robin Meade and evening anchor Sophia Choi. Both are incredibly beautiful, smart (or at least play it well on TV), and funny. So, as usual, if you ladies want to save me the effort of attempting to stalk you, feel free to write me in care of AOwL.com.
- While flipping channels last night, I came across the New Orleans Bowl on ESPN between North Texas and Southern Mississippi. The game was such an attractive draw that it appeared that the upper two levels of the Superdome were closed off and that there were still plenty of tickets available in the lower levels if you wanted to go. Of course, nobody cared much for the game, so the five minutes I spent watching were used by the commentators to draw up their dream college football playoff scenario. That got me to thinking (which, as you know, hurts my head), it's because people watch meaningless matchups like this that we're never going to get a meaningful playoff. Hell, I don't think the average football fan could locate the campuses of either school on a map (and some probably wouldn't even get the state right). But because people are willing to watch them on TV or travel to attend games, networks will keep on shelling out cash and cities will continue jockeying to start their own. So, there needs to be a fan strike! People, these games are the football equivalent of the basketball NIT Tournament, there's no point! So don't watch. If your team's in a bowl game, so what?! I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to see my Noles play West Virginia in the Gator Bowl. If people aren't willing to shell out cash to attend or even to bother watching on TV, the bowls will have less money to spend to attract teams. If college presidents see their cash cow headed for the slaughterhouse, they'll probably be more willing to turn to the Golden Goose of having a high profile home game with ticket revenues partially split with their opponents. A playoff will definitely attract the interest of networks who will shell out plenty to get exclusive coverage (CBS is paying the NCAA $6 billion for coverage of the men's basketball tournament). So, college football fans, make your New Year's Resolution early... DON'T WATCH BOWL GAMES! This has been a paid message provided by AOwL.com.
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