R.I.P. - Maxim Radio (2004-2008)

Well, when I turned on my Sirius this morning I had it tuned to Maxim 108 from listening to Covino & Rich last night on my way home. Who knew that, after changing it to Howard 100 and letting the channel update occur that it would be the last I would ever see of my favorite channel on Sirius since picking up my subscription.

I got my Sirius in November of 2004 for Howard but was excited for the promised new Maxim station. I believe the original Evan & Brian Show started their dress rehearsals the following month and the station went live at the Jacksonville Super Bowl in February 2005. The original lineup with Covino & Rich in the mornings, Bower in the afternoons (having the Friday happy hour at noon after they moved the show to mornings never seemed right), and Evan & Brian at night is still my favorite. Much love though for Stretch (never really got into his show after Bower was fired) and Devore & Diana, who apparently were let go. Covino & Rich will live on, though not on another channel.

I'll miss the music weekends (which they actually got rid of a few months ago), Game On with Scott, Psyche, and Major Nelson, and Amy and the Sex Files... Just a lot of good stuff that vanished in a flash. Too bad. One of the reasons why I keep my Maxim Magazine subscription was because they'd always reference cover girls who would come in to be interviewed and writers from the magazine who would talk about their articles. Guess that's that for that.

Ghost of Elections Past

Just for some fun while I think of what I want to say following yesterday's election of Barack Obama, here's my post from November 3, 2004, the day after Double Duh was re-elected.

http://aowl.blogspot.com/2004/11/election-depression_109950781614137397.html

One More Day

Just when we thought the long national nightmare was almost over... Rex Grossman is back at the helm of the Chicago Bears! Nooooo... But more on that later, yes, after almost two years of near constant attention the presidential election is tomorrow. Listening to some of the people who decided to try and early vote over the weekend, it sounds like the sites were slammed. One said that he got in like at 6:45 Saturday morning (early voting opened at 7) and the line was already a few hundred people deep.

Election Season Finale!

The most important thing is to please vote. It doesn't matter who or what you vote for, just do it. Everyone likes to complain about the special interests, but they have no power against an involved and well-informed electorate. Here's some quick things (that'll be the theme of today's post... quick things that I ramble on way too long, thus not making them quick).

• In a Florida State Senate race in the Orlando area, it's kind of hard to make a total scumbag like Gary Siplin look less scumbaggy, but his opponent Belinda Ortiz found a way. Apparently taking a cue from this year's Bill & Ted show at HHN where a drunken Hillary Clinton comes on stage accusing Barack Obama of "BEATING A WOMAN! (...in a presidential primary election)" a recent commercial for Belinda Ortiz closes with the line of something like Gary Siplin wants to beat this woman with a picture of Ortiz in the background. It'd be funny if it was on SNL, but in real life it's disgustingly pathetic.
• I was reading an article over the weekend about people afraid they're going to suffer from election withdrawl on Wednesday (which, hopefully, the election'll be decided by then). At first, I thought how ludicrous that sounded but after thinking about it I can kinda see it. Being someone who monitors the election closely isn't any different than someone who follows their sports teams closely. You can have a side (Republican or Democrat), they spend the day doing campaign events and debates, and then at the end of the day you have a score (the poll numbers). Probably overdoing it, but I can see it.
• MSNBC's getting called out a lot as the Liberal Fox News, and as a proud employee of the NBC Universal empire I feel duty-bound to defend them. Yes, with Keith Olbermann and Rachael Maddow, the evening lineup is decidedly left leaning. But people forget who hosts the morning show... Joe Scarborough. This is the guy who said that Jimmy Carter should have his Nobel Peace Prize given to George W. Bush instead (an idea so bizarre I thought he was joking). Personally, I prefer my news sans-skew, but at least MSNBC has commentators on both sides (and don't bring up Hannity and Colmes, which is hardly equal time).
• Can I get a round of applause for the fact that, in just over 24 short hours, we will not have to deal with campaign commercials for two years. Watching last night's Football Night In America (NBC, whoo!) there was literally a commercial break of all campaign commercials with one commercial being aired twice. It's nauseating!
• What's worse than the commercials??? The f'in signs everywhere! Ugh... Another eyesore I'm ready to see get the ol' heave-ho.
• And what's dumber than the commercials or the signs... F'in banner ads on every website. I'm looking at you Barack Obama. In the last few weeks you couldn't go to any news site (or really, a lot of websites as my Windows Live page and stuff had it too) without seeing his face reminding you that early voting was open. I wish there was something so you could be like "Hey, I already voted so ENOUGH!"
• One thumbs-up to the group of people I saw on 436 near Altamonte Mall on Saturday supporting John McCain. At first I was conflicted as they were out there with their signs of support for McCain with their kids. But, after reflecting on it, other than them having their kids in the median of a major road, I think it's a good thing to get kids involved in the political process. Reminds me of when I was a kid back in 1984 and my mom taught me about the electoral process and took me in the booth with her. Considering that's a moment in my life I remember vividly (the dingy Daytona rec center where she voted, how I told everyone that she was voting for Walter Mondale, the old school voting machines which apparently are still used in some places) may indicate why I'm still so politically involved today.

I'll probably have more to say on the election later this week, so stayed tuned.

Movie Review: Zack and Miri Make a Porno (3 1/2 out of 5 Owls)

Well, as anyone who knows me knows that I'm a huge Kevin Smith buff. Clerks is the first movie I saw at an "arthouse" theater, and just the random pop culture references is totally how I talk to my friends. Zack and Miri pretty much is a combination of the early Kevin Smith movies (mainly Clerks and Chasing Amy) and combining them with the current roster of Judd Apatow movies. Pretty much, Zack and Miri is a romantic comedy about two friends from Pittsburgh who decide to film themselves in a porno to raise money to pay off their bills. As a "romantic comedy", you can see where this is heading. But the trip to that point is pretty funny, even though afterwards it's pretty meh.

As a romantic comedy, it's definitely not a 27 Dresses kind of date movie. But, for Kevin Smith fans, don't go in thinking you're getting Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back or something. The movie goes far beyond anything shown in an Apatow movie (and even most of Kevin's), so I can see where the argument between NC-17 and R came from. I would recommend it, though, for just that Kevin Smith is a great director whose characters you can totally relate to and how a run-up of circumstances can lead you to make a supposedly unimaginable jump.

Round Up of Other Movies I've Seen Recently

While I was on vacation a couple of weeks ago, I took the time to check out a few movies. However I never had the opportunity to write up what I thought. So, here goes really quick.

• Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist (3 1/2 out of 5 Owls): Speaking of Apatow, Nick & Norah stars Michael Cera (from Superbad) as a high schooler trying to get over a breakup with a hot and slutty ex (makes you feel wrong watching her when her character's supposed to be 17) by playing a gig and trying to find a secret show being put on by the elusive band Fluffy. Obviously, along the way, he hooks up with Norah and an evening of mayhem around NYC ensues. This was a really good movie with some great music but was a tad too girly for my tastes, which made me glad I was the only person in the theater for the show I saw.
• Sex Drive (4 out of 5 Owls): What can I say? I love the road trip movie (Eurotrip is among my all-time faves). Sex Drive is the story of a group of teens who take a road trip from Chicago to Knoxville, Tennessee to busts the main character's cherry before heading to college. As in any road trip movie, the story is more than them driving down the interstate, occassionally pulling off to get gas and hit up the Waffle House. But the funniest characters in the movie are James Marsden (playing the douchy older brother of the main character) and Seth Green as an Amish farmer who enjoys the outside world. Both were great. And let me just say, the women in this movie were un-f'in-believably hot. Not to spoil the ending, but the over-sexed best friend decides to give up his life of decadence to settle down with an Amish girl, played by Alice Greczyn. If I met an Amish girl who looked like her, I think I'd make the jump too.
• Pineapple Express (3 out of 5 Owls): I never got the chance to see Pineapple Express when it first came out, so I went to see it recently at the nearby dollar theater. One weekend I had the option of seeing Pineapple Express or Tropic Thunder and I'm definitely glad with the choice that I made. Pineapple Express was OK, with some really great moments, but the time in between is just so dull... Seth Rogen and James Franco are two stoners trying to escape two mob hitmen and a rogue cop after Seth's character accidentally witnesses the murder of a mobster. Like in Sex Drive, the supporting characters make the movie (i.e., Danny McBride who was also hysterical in Tropic Thunder and Craig Robinson who was also great in Zack and Miri). All in all, it was OK, but I probably wasn't in the "right state of mind" before going to see it.

Random Thoughts

• I'm kinda concerned... Last night I had a dream where I had a seizure and had to be taken to the hospital and now, this morning, I feel like I had a seizure. Like all my muscles feel weak and tired. Probably not a good sign.
• It was announced last week that Universal Studios Hollywood's getting a new ride based on the Transformers movies (it's opening in 2010, so the second one should be either out or coming out by then). That sounds so cool... I know us getting Harry Potter's a bigger deal, but how often am I going to go on the Harry Potter ride versus how often would I go on a Transformers ride?
• Much love to Amy Poehler and Will Arnett who had their baby boy on Saturday. Two great comedians having a comedic superbaby. Now if we can only get Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman to have a baby girl, cross those genes, and in 40 years we will have a comedic goliath.
• OK, even though the game was close and ended on a fumble in the endzone, it has to be said... Why can Florida State not beat an option offense? How long has Mickey Andrews been the defensive coach and they've had that problem as far back as I remember? The only times I can remember are when they were playing a far inferior team (i.e., Duke tried to run it for a few years) or when we had a dominant offense that could outscore the other team (i.e., the Florida State/Nebraska championship game).

Halloween Horor Nights 2008 Preview

What's up, Internets?!  Last night was the Universal Orlando employee preview night for this year's Halloween Horror Nights festivities, which officially opens tomorrow night.  The preview night is always a good time, though this year I went by myself as my usual partner-in-crime, my little brother, is away in college.  

This year's HHN theme is Reflections In Fear and hosted by Bloody Mary.  As you approach the park, you see Mary's mirror as she beckons you to come into her world of horror (a very cool effect which I took this video of).  The park's Scarezones and many of the houses mirror (get it...) the warped theme being based in legends and childhood stories.

First off, the houses...  As I stated in my blog post last year, I'm a huge wuss and absolutely refuse to go anywhere near them (I shot a video of the entrance to the Doomsday house, but notice how there's a fence between me and it plus the fact that it wasn't open at the time), so here's a quick rundown of this year's offerings.

• Creatures! (Entrance along Production Central near Twister gift shop):  This was an interesting premise for a house, so I'm kind of interested in hearing what people say about it.  The house is supposed to be based on old sci-fi B movies and if you were actually in the scenario (in this case an alien invasion on a small Southern town).  Can't give an estimated wait time as their sign wasn't working each time I walked by.
• Interstellar Terror (Entrance through Twister's main entrance):  Each year it's like they have a space-themed house...  I think to save on prop costs.  Just retheme the same premise, change a few of the costumes, and you have yourself an "original" idea.  Again, the wait time sign wasn't working as I passed by, so I didn't see a wait time.
• Body Collectors - Collections of the Past (Entrance in front of the New York Public Library facade):  Another seeming rehash of previous year's efforts, this house appears to use a similar theme to the Caretaker's house from 2006 (which, in itself, was a remake of a house from a couple years before).  Both times I passed by there was a 30 minute wait.
• Doomsday (Entrance near the Beetlejuice show):  This year's addition to "Houses Based On Universal Movies That Nine People Saw", I don't know if there were problems with it or if it was scheduled to only be open off-and-on throughout the night.  Don't know what was up with that.  So, the only wait time that I saw for it was 5 minutes, but it had just reopened as the Rocky Horror Show I was in was letting out.
• Reflections of Fear (Entrance in the Jaws extended queue):  The year's signature house, it seems weird that they relegated it to the Jaws queue building instead of one of the soundstages.  The usual warning for the Jaws house carries over this year...  Do not bother trying to hit up this house after a Bill & Ted's Show has let out.  It looks like this year they're trying to manage the flow by not allowing you to go directly from the show to the house (instead, you must go around the Jaws restrooms, where I originally started my Universal career, or head towards the Men In Black area).  But probably one you would definitely want to hit up early in the evening as, each time I went by, the wait was 45 minutes.  But also, because they are trying to control the flow in that area, it just creates a huge mass of people in that general area.  So again, probably want to get that out of the way before it gets too crowded over there.
• Dead Exposure (Entrance between Men In Black and The Simpsons Ride):  There was a funny team of zombies out in front of the Dead Exposure house.  House has something to do with zombies, dunno, don't care.  The house hadn't opened yet when I first passed by, but had a 30 minute wait the second time I went by.
• The Hallow (Entrance to the left of the KidZone stage):  I actually have no idea what this house is about.  Couldn't really tell anything from the sign.  I only went to that side of the park once, so I only saw that it had a 20 minute wait that one time.
• Scary Tales - Once Upon A Nightmare (Entrance to the right of the KidZone stage):  Another seemingly rehashed house from previous years this one has evil takes on fairy tales.  I also only went by there once and it had a 30 minute wait.

This year, they have many more Scarezones than I remember in years past.  As you enter the park, you're greeted by these creepy mirror-faced people.  The Production Central area between Jimmy Neutron and Shrek has a Wizard of Oz theme and, as you enter, your taunted by the Wicked Witch of the West (who was pretty funny).  Then, as you pass through, Flying Monkeys attack you from above as they swing back-and-forth between the buildings.  The area around T2-3D is called Asylum in Wonderland which, obviously, has an Alice theme and the hookah smoking caterpillar making wisecracks.  Along the back of Shrek where you can get your picture taken with Donkey is the small American Gothic set, which seems like a take on the Lizzie Bordon rhyme (at least I think I heard someone say 40 whacks).  The area between Twister and Mummy is called Streets of Blood, which was Jack the Ripper-themed.  The final one, Fractured Tales in the KidZone area, seems to carry over the nearby Scary Tales house.

On to the shows...  This year's show in the Animal Actors stage is a magic show featuring Brian Brushwood.  The Rocky Horror Picture Show Tribue returns on the Beetlejuice stage, once again featuring an overly top-heavy background dancer who draws your attention as she nearly pops out of the scantily corset with each step she makes (this year a cute, pompdoured brunette).  Which just leaves the marquee attraction for me each year, the Bill & Ted's Show.  I ended up seeing the first performance last night, so I don't know if there was just something off or what.  I did see one of the first shows last year and didn't care for it, but ended up seeing it like five times and liked it more and more each time I saw it.  This year's show features characters from Hellboy (another Universal movie which is coming up on its DVD release, so maybe a little corporate synergy at work) as well as the usual assortment of pop culture references.  This year's lineup includes Obama and McCain, Indiana Jones, Sweeney Todd, the Joker, and Hannah Montana among many, many more.  Each year, the Bill & Ted shows fill up very quickly.  Even though they only open the stadium up about 10 minutes before each show, it's usually best to get into the courtyard a half-hour before the show starts.  My comments from last year still pertain:  Get there early, be prepared to mow some people down as soon as the music starts, and try to get into the middle.

So, while I don't think that the Bill & Ted's show is as good as it was last year, I think that the event itself seems better.  I think that last year's event, which was focused on the New Line licenses with themed houses for Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, kind of didn't do as much for me because I don't go in the houses.  This year there seemed to be more to do in addition to the haunted houses.  But, even after saying that, I'd say still probably give this year's event an 8 out of 10.  The same I gave it last year.

Pictures from the event <Link>

On the Road Again

Well, in playing around on the Internet today, I found that Yahoo! 360 has now gone live... At least on the Beta level. So, I'm setting up my blog over on my 360 page, http://360.yahoo.com/thegrandowl. Be patient, as since this is still in testing you may get an error page, but keep trying. You also get the shock of a lifetime... The face of your future dictator!

Thank You!

Thanks to the NBA for not being as stupid as the NHL! No lockout, no strike, play will start on time in November, and we will have the 2006 NBA Champion Orlando Magic!

ESPN.com - NBA, Players' Union Agree to New Labor Deal

I Shoulda Brought My Gun!

What's up, my little minions?! Man, nothing makes you ponder your own mortality than the weekend that I had. First, I had my 10-year class reunion on Saturday night. I also got to visit with my great-grandfather yesterday for Father's Day, who's about to celebrate his 94th birthday (his birthday happens to be July 1st or Canada Day, any coincidence that my life's dream is to move to Canada?). And finally, your malevolent dictator is moving closer to an anniversary of his own, as I celebrate my 28th birthday on Friday. All tribute may be forwarded to me, in care of AOwL.com.

My Own Version of Grosse Pointe Blank

Well, some of my early converts probably remember that one of my favorite movies of all-time is John Cusack's Grosse Pointe Blank, the story of a hitman returning to his suburban Detroit home to celebrate his 10-year high school reunion. While Cusack's character Martin Blank travels from Los Angeles to Grosse Pointe, Michigan to confront demons in his closet, my commute was only two hours from St. Petersburg to suburban Orlando.

Let me paint a picture for you... The year was 1995, and yours truly, unbelievable as it may seem, was not exactly the most popular person in the graduating class of Pick Your Various Orlando Lake High School. It wasn't really anything more than that I was very anti-social (no way!), I had a small group of friends I hung-out with, and that was it. I never went to prom (I was out of town at a state conference for a club I was in), didn't attend homecoming, didn't start dating until my Sophomore year in college, and I was 6 ft. by the 9th Grade so nobody picked on me. Pretty much, I avoided the "American Pie" high school experience of parties and trying to hook-up. The group of four friends from the Class of 1995 that I had back then, I still communicate with regularly. So, I went to my high school reunion to see the other 296 people from my graduating class that I didn't really communicate with back then.

Like in the movie, I decided to team up with my former krewe to attend the reunion together. Unfortunately, I didn't have any great lines like "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork, how have you been?" to use on my fellow classmates, I totally felt like I was living the movie. Walking into the hotel that was housing the event (luckily, ours was not held in the high school auditorium as in the movie), seeing the pretty people coming out intimidated me to the point that I was ready to leave right then! Screw my $60, I'd have a better time watching Caliente on the Tivo. But, sucked it up and walked in to meet my fellow classmate. Apparently, one of my friends who I came to the reunion with didn't share my disdain for those we went to school with and actually knew other people than our intimate clique. Of course, even though he introduces himself to me, I have no recollection of who he is or why I knew him. As we approach the lobby where registration was taking place, we finally begin to run into some recognizable faces, all still looking great which of course means BEER TIME! Nothing helps the self-image like some liquid courage. So, after checking in, we head over to the bar only to run into a woman that I had known dating back to when I moved to Orlando from Daytona Beach. She had definitely had more than a few beverages, and apparently is a fan of my sparkling wit (like the blog, my bizzare sense of humor is displayed on our alumni website). So, like the one woman that Martin runs into at the bar, she comes up to me going "You're so funny!" Anyways, I introduce her to the rest of my mates and she in turn introduces me to her husband as we get our drinks and go our separate ways. I always say how high school girls now are much hotter than back in our days, but maybe I just missed out. The women at my reunion were INCREDIBLE, either women I had gone to school with or dates of guys that had gone to my school. Whatever, they were hot! Then, I see this stunning woman there who looked like a cuter Kirsten Dunst, in this elegant black dress, and was just racking my brain to remember if I went to school with her. Well, that question was answered when I see that her date is standing right next to her, a guy I actually stuck up for back in middle school. Back then, this guy wasn't exactly a nerd, but he just was enough out there that people would pick on him. Of course, birds of a feather flock together, so we ended up sitting near each other in many classes and jerks would constantly make stupid remarks and throw shit at him and usually I would end up getting caught in the middle. So, I remember it clearly, we were in the 7th grade in typing class and they threw a wad of paper at him that hit me (yes, they really were aiming for him). So, when the teacher left the room I picked up one of my books and just nailed the dude in the chest, spitting out some threat that if any more shit were thrown in my general direction I'd do something or other. Note again, I was 6' by 9th grade, so I was already pretty big in the 7th grade so me threatening violence against somebody much smaller than me could be kind of intimidating. Anyways, following class I was talking with some girl who wanted to know why I would stick up for him, and I had an afterschool special moment trying to explain why I thought bullying was dumb and that if you pick on one person over trivial stuff what's to keep them from picking on you for trivial things. Really Blossom-level material. I mean, there was more to that moment than that (and I eventually got in trouble because someone ratted me out), but after that he was generally left alone. Well, for the time at least. But, now back in the modern day, I have to say that I was kind of jealous. If he could hook up with "Hotter" Kirsten Dunst, he could have stood up for himself back then.

Then, the moment that everyone hopes for during a reunion, running across the girl/guy that you had a crush on years before, but haven't seen since then. Mine happened to be a girl whom I had dozens of classes with starting back in the 7th grade. As a cheerleader for the Pop Warner team, seeing her in those outfits is probably the reason why I still obsess over cheerleaders. She also would always wear her hair in a ponytail, another huge turn-on for me that lasts to this day. Pretty much, everything that I look for in a woman both physically and personality-wise, other than being Asian or Hispanic (which I developed in college), stems from this girl that I originally met nearly 20 years ago. And today, she's as cute as ever. Her long blonde hair has grown darker, and she has it cut short in a way that perfectly frames her face. If it weren't for her nametag, I would have thought that she was just another hottie I missed out on. While we weren't tight back then, we were always friendly but I always would shield the fact that I had a huge crush on her. So, it was no surprise that in seeing her again I couldn't bring myself to talk to her. What can I say other than that I'm a huge wuss? So, I'm sure she's one of the millions of devoted AOwL readers, so if this situation sounds familiar to you and you just attended your high school reunion, feel free to contact me via AOwL.com.

Anyways, during dinner they had a "special band" composed of fellow classmates play. OK, muscially they were pretty good. A little too loud for the space they were in, but not bad. But their singer was abysmal. Apparently, another of my friends knew one of the band members, and following their set he talked to him to find out that their performance was "a joke that went over everyone's heads." Umm, yeah! That had to be it. After that, and with about five beers in my system, it was time to bust a move out on the dance floor. While out there, I pretty much hung with my friends when the same girl who I had met earlier that night who said I was so funny came out and started dancing with me with her husband right there. Well, the fifth beer was still in my hand and hadn't quite kicked in yet, so I still had some sense of decorum so I drug my friend's wife out to dance with me. That worked for a while, but as I was finishing off Beer #6, and I was definitely beyond tipsy (I'm a cheap drunk as two will get me feeling good and three will begin pushing the limits of my sobriety), she came back out and started dancing with me and I just didn't care anymore. The freaky thing is that her husband asked to use my camera and took a picture. Of course, now my camera isn't working right and that shot's probably lost forever, but I definitely would have loved to have had it just as a reminder of how weird that moment was.

All in all, what I thought would be a nightmare of an evening turned out OK as I realized that my teenage angst was entirely internal and that my grudge back then was more with myself than anyone I had gone to school with. Just like the end of the movie, I feel like coming to that revelation and dealing with it can allow me to move on with my life than being hung up on the past. Of course, I've come to recognize that before, but growing beyond who you were for nearly 30 years is definitely easier said than done. And for those who I told what I do and you say that I totally sold out to 'The Man' realize this, the Revolution's coming!

Movie Review: Batman Begins (5 Owls Out of 5)

Going into this film, I had really low expectations. The only thing that I had seen Christian Bale in was the Shaft remake. So, while I was sure he was a capable actor, I wasn't sure how well he could pull off a young Bruce Wayne. And of course, there was the debacle that was Batman & Robin. However, that film was just so bad that if it comes on TV I watch it just to laugh at how ridiculously bad it is (I love the whole fight sequence between Batman and Mr. Freeze's henchman staged like an adaptation of Starlight Express at a hockey game). So, I was amazed out how incredible this film turned out.

The story, based on the Batman: Year One serial, describes the origin of the Caped Crusader, some of his comic book counterparts (with young Dick Grayson thankfully absent), and features the villain Scarecrow. The opening of the film jumps back-and-forth through time, taking us through young Bruce's childhood to his training in a remote mountaintop hideout of the League of Shadows. You find out why he chose bats to represent him, how he became so skilled in fighting, and also with the help of Morgan Freeman how he got all of his cool gadgets. Unlike Revenge of the Sith, the doomed romance between Bruce Wayne and longtime gal-pal assistant DA Rachel Dawes doesn't come off as middle school production of Romeo & Juliet. Not exactly the most brilliant piece of writing ever, but comparable to the final scene in the original Spider-Man.

Of course, with all superhero movies, the story does suffer from some lame plotpoints. The villainous plan is overly complicated and impractical, you have the damsel/young kid in distress moments, the morality tale, and all of that type of garbage. But, unlike other films, it keeps these points short and quick. The action seems tepid at times as they try to breathe more life into the characters, but when it kicks in is intense. And of course, they have to set it up for a sequel, which makes you anticipate the next in the series. All in all, it displays Batman's personality in all of its dark glory just as the Spider-Man series did a great job of showing his conflict in character of being an average teenager or a superhero.

Random Thoughts

• It's not really their fault, but I'm growing increasingly disappointed in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Last Tuesday's episode was the second in their new season, and it looks like they're trying to move into the territory of shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The series originally would take the average guy and give him and his home the metrosexual makeover but recent episodes dating back to last season appear to have sad-sap stories behind them. The most recent episode displayed the life of a family that has quintuplets. What made Queer Eye so cool for me is that I saw people who were similar to me making small changes in their lives which I could copy. I don't have five babies, nor do I play for the Red Sox (even though that episode was cool for introducing us to Johnny Damon's hot wife Michelle). It appears that tomorrow's episode is going to feature a soldier preparing to go into combat. Each one has a great and sometimes inspirational story, but it's losing it's appeal to me as I no longer relate to the people being made over. But, as the ratings continue to slip for them, I'm sure Bravo is going to keep up these story driven episodes because they feel that they capture the audience's interest.
• Sticking to the TV realm, last week was the final episode for this season of The Shield. With Glenn Close signed for only this season, you knew that something would happen to her in this episode. While I thought that she would be killed, what does happen to her character is ten times more heartbreaking. It also sets up for what will be a shitstorm next season, as the LAPD gains dirt on the goings-on of Detective Mackey's group of rogue cops. But, as one incredible show leaves us for another year, another comes to take its place as tomorrow night starts the second season of Rescue Me. Also, FX premiered their newest show last week 30 Days, which is based on the film Super Size Me where they will be taking people and exposing them to different lifestyles for a month. And FX has another great looking show coming up called Over There about soldiers fighting in Iraq. FX is definitely the best network on basic cable!
• But, moving on to the best network period... HBO. I finally bit the bullet and forked over the extra $11/month to DirecTV to get HBO. Just to detour real quick, HBO on DirecTV is pretty expensive. First off, you only get five channels: HBO, HBO 2, HBO Signature, and HBO Family (they claim you get seven, but as I don't have a high-def TV or the Spanish-language feed, I don't get HBO HD or HBO Latino). The equivalent cable package has HBO for a buck cheaper, includes HBO Zone, HBO Comedy, and HBO On Demand. Just saying! Anyways, I guess I picked the worst time to pick it up as there really isn't anything great on. Obviously, The Sopranos is still another year away, Curb Your Enthusiasm is gone for a while, and the show I got it for, Deadwood, just had their most recent season end. I have on my Tivo the three most recent episodes of a comedy called Entourage that looked kind of funny and also recorded a new series called Cathouse which is supposed to show life in a Las Vegas brothel. Anyways, I gave up hope on Time Warner following News Corp.'s lead with FX to move some of their edgier programming from HBO to one of their basic cable channels, TNT or TBS. I've always shunned subscribing to HBO because I still think of it as a movie channel, and most of the movies that they air I didn't want to see in the first place. But with all of these great shows that everyone raves to me about, I just had to chin up and get it. Hopefully, it's money well spent.
• I heard so much about it that I searched the Internet to find Jessica Simpson's new video for These Boots Are Made For Walking, which is off the soundtrack for the new Dukes of Hazzard movie. Now, of Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera, and Mandy Moore, the late-90's pop princesses, I was always a Britney guy. I thought that Jessica and Christina were cute (and Mandy was way too young for my liking), but overrated. Well man, I had never seen Jessica move like this! I thought she was the goody-goody of the group. Wow, I'm dying for her to come by my place and wash my car!
• Major cudos to CNN for ending their subscription service to watch video on their website. We all know that it's because they'll make more money in advertising revenues than they were in subscription fees, but still. They were the only one of the major broadcast news outlets that still required a subscription to view video of stories they aired, and the F that I was going to pay for that.
• Finally, I know I love to talk about Sirius Satellite Radio (by the way Sirius, good work on getting picked up in Canada so I don't have to cancel my subscription when I move to the Great White North), but there's another thing I have to sing the praises of. No, it's not the new Radio Margaritaville channel... It's the Radio Chick on Sirius Talk Central. It's just an incredibly hysterical show, coming on weekdays from 10-2. I had started listening to her back when her show was first picked up by Sirius but kind of lost track of it amongst all of the other great stuff on. But definitely, if you have Sirius, check it out some day because the show's addicting.

Tonight at The Pit... Everybody Gets Laid

Ah, PCU... An underrated college sex kind of comedy. Check it out on one of its several weekly showings on Comedy Central. What's up everybody out there in Internet-land?! Your malevolent dictator here, still reeling from being plucked out of his personal Nirvana, Toronto, for his own pit of hell, Tampa. And, may I say, it is officially summer here in the Sunshine State. Driving home from work on Friday evening in a near monsoon as Tropical Storm Arlene brushed by the Bay Area. Followed by the ridiculous midday heat mixed with the standing water driving up the humidity to uncomfortable levels, which lasted late into the evening. Then, coming out of the movie theater at 11:30 it felt about as hot as it was that afternoon. Blech!

And this week has the potential of being totally emotionally draining. Because, coming up on Saturday, it's my 10-year high school reunion. Honestly, I don't know what the thing with me and age is, but I don't like the fact that I'm getting old(er). Next weekend I celebrate my 28th birthday, another glaring reminder that 30 is right around the corner. But, I'm sure I'll have some great stories next Monday coming out of my reunion. There's always the incredibly gorgeous popular girl who has hit hard times, the nerdy guy who all the women want to cling to (which would be me, but I was never the nerdy guy... just the guy all the women wanted to cling to), and there's going to be a band!

Thank You, Lou!

My first topic for today's post was going to be an open-letter to Devil Rays manager Lou Piniella, appealing him to say something in public that would rally support around him and the team against Rays management. Lou is really the only one in the entire organization that has any pull with the public, as the general public probably has no clue who many players on the roster even are and has utter disdain for current general partner Vince Naimoli.

Lou came to Tampa, his hometown, to lead this team under false pretenses. He was told when he took the helm that the purse-pinching attitude that the D-Rays have followed after their failed "Hit Show" experiment (when they signed big name veterans to contracts, just to finish in last). And it wasn't even that Lou was promised that the Rays would go from last in the league in payroll to dropping $100-200 million like the Sox and Yankees. It was just moderate progress over the term of tenure, possibly moving from the high $20s to maybe the low $40s. This would put them in the league of big spending clubs like THE ROYALS! But no, the Rays continued to strip payroll with their constant promise of great young players developing down in the minors. Always the one thing that I hate about baseball and hockey... If your team stinks, they'll always claim that there's promise in their prospects in the minors. Always giving you hope that there's a bright future right around the corner (and yes, I was a Cubs fan prior to moving here, so I've been through this for years).

The Rays are coming off a horrible three-week road trip where they won only two games. They scored 55 runs in the twelve games outside of the Trop (4.5/game), and they gave up 103 (8.6/game). Not to mention the blown opportunities, such as yesterday where they give up a game-tying home run with two outs in the bottom of the ninth (but they took the game in 13 innings). And then there's poor Lou after every game trying to rationalize yet another loss.

So, as I was thinking of arguments to write on behalf of Lou, he goes out yesterday prior to their game against the Pirates and blasts the current ownership. The fact of the matter is that Lou is done at the end of this season, so it's a matter of if he goes on his own terms or if he's pushed aside. George Steinbrenner's up in New York salivating over the opportunity to put in a tempestuous personality which he believes could perk up his stagnant Yankees, so it's not like Sweet Lou is going to fall on hard times if he's no longer the D-Rays manager. And while I think his quote kind of throws his own players under the bus, he firmly points the fingers at the current ownership. The miserly Vince Naimoli (who is the managing partner while owning only 15% of the team), and the seemingly disinterested majority shareholder Stu Steinberg. The Bay Area totally knows about bad ownership, as they had to deal with fifteen years of Hugh Culverhouse over the Bucs. But see what a change can do. These people don't change... Just look at The Bidwells, owners of the Arizona Cardinals, and Donald Sterling of the LA Clippers. No matter how bad they are, no matter the lack of fan support, they're not going to put any resources into their clubs because it's like a business to them. Hopefully, this will galvanize the team and the community around Lou but, as there's an article in today's St. Petersburg Times which pretty much states that the only recourse that the team has is to fire Lou now, stating that he's been picking at management in an attempt to get himself fired. I think that if Lou wanted out that badly, he'd step aside knowing full well that the baseball community would understand. No, I think that he's doing this intentionally to shame ownership into making some changes. Will it work?! Well, it's doubtful but I applaud Lou for putting himself out on the line like that.

Movie Review
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Three Owls Out of Five)

OK, I didn't buy into the Brad and Angelina hype around this movie. If Brad dumped cutie Jennifer Anniston for Angelina Jolie, that's his business and means that Jennifer Anniston's back on the market. But the movie actually looked, from the previews, that it would be fun and the critics were drooling all over themselves in their reviews. So, I thought I would check it out... Seems like the critics bought into the hype or maybe were watching a different movie, because I sure didn't see it.

I think this sometimes happens with critics. They either get caught up in the hype, or give make-up reviews (kind of like in sports you'll hear someone comment that the referees gave a make-up call, where they're making up for something they missed earlier). Most say that the on-screen chemistry between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie was electric; to me it was about as magnetic as Arnold and Jamie Lee in True Lies. One said that the final car chase is one of the best sequences in recent memory, so when the credits popped up at the end of the movie I thought I might have missed it (the one they must have been referring to wasn't that great). In other words, I just don't get what the critics saw so I'll tell you what I saw. The movie progresses very slowly, there's often big gaps in the action, the plotline is mumbled, and really the only good thing in there is Vince Vaughn's character (who's barely in the movie). Admittedly, I don't see what the big deal is with Angelina Jolie. She's all right, but I remember seeing her in Tomb Raider wondering why the producers couldn't find someone hotter to play Lara Croft. Both her and Brad Pitt had their funny moments, but all in all, this is getting way too much hype because of the alleged off-screen romance between them which just doesn't match what this movie has to offer.

Speaking of too much hype, it makes me weary of the whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing. I'd almost tune out of their films if they weren't Batman and Steven Spielberg adapting War of the Worlds (one of the trailers before Mr. & Mrs. Smith that looked really good).

Random Thoughts

• Well, I got to check out some new music over the last week. First, I got the new White Stripes CD, Get Behind Me Satan, as an early birthday present from my friend. Really good, but it kind of strays from their last two mainstream albums. While current hit Blue Orchid is more along the lines of White Blood Cells, most of the album follows the more folk sound of the latter tracks on Elephant. My favorite album, after briefly referencing it last week, was Paul Anka's Rock Swings. I mean, he totally turns tracks that I love, like "Blackhole Sun" and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" around to make me love them more, and can even make songs like Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" tolerable. Definitely a pick up for anyone who can appreciate a mixture of different music genres. I also have gotten to hear most, but not all, of Coldplay's newest X&Y. Again, a great album and totally Coldplay. I just love the current mainstream music scene at the moment as it "seems" more artistic and less corporate (like the boy band and bubblegum pop era of a couple years ago).
• This week, I'm going back to the world of broadcast journalism for my "Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy". This week, the "honor" goes to yummy CNN anchor Veronica De La Cruz. I honestly had never seen her until her stint on CNN Headline News last night, and she was that cute (I don't really like her hair in their picture, as she has grown it out). I don't have much to add for her since I only saw her for the first time last night, other than that Atlanta's not that far Veronica, so if you'd like to stalk me feel free to contact me, in care of AOwL.com.

Oh Winnie!

Hello my little droogies!

I've been updating yesterday's post as more items and stories come to mind. I'm also fixing the picture links which apparently don't work.

But, I just had to say that I got my July issue of Stuff Magazine, and flipping through the pages I just found this goddess; so I look for the name and it's... Danica McKellar! I had Danica as one of my "Women I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy" a few months ago prior to a guest spot on some lame UPN show that I don't even remember anymore (she got me to watch UPN, that's how much I love her!). Anyways, she looks incredible in her photo spread so to any guy out there who used to fantasize about having a Winnie Cooper as your next door neighbor, definitely pick up a copy.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

What's up, everybody! I have returned from my trip to the Great White North. I have my future capital staked out for my global empire of evil... All's good. Lots 'o stories to tell, and pix to share.

Weirdest Marketing Campaign

While up there, I was reading one of the smaller dailies, Dose, when I run across an ad for a Canadian convenience store called Mac's. The ad was for their version of the Slurpee called the Froster. Mac's has introduced a new flavor called... the Bloody Zit! Mmm... But if that hasn't gotten your taste buds salivating, the ad (which I also saw in a larger version on a bus stop) has a Froster cup sitting on what appears to be a surgery table with blood and puss splattered behind it. Delicious! To add to it, though I didn't get the opportunity to see it, there apparently is a television ad campaign where two teenage lovers who have "acne problems" see zits bleeding on each other, and lick them.

Now see, as a marketing grad I know that this is just brilliant. This extreme imagery is the only reason why I even noticed it, and of course as the corporate tool that I am, I checked out the Mac's across the street from my hotel to try it out. But, they went just a little too far in the theming department. To get myself to enjoy a beverage called a "Bloddy Zit" would have been hard enough, but once you get to the store they have sprinkle-on flavors that you may add with names such as the "Oily Blackhead". That just made the mental imagery too gross, and I ended up getting a Pepsi Froster. But see, it did enough to get me into the store, and that's a success in the advertising world.

But, if any of my massive legions of Canadian readers have tried the Bloody Zit, feel free to contact me here at AOwL.com to tell me what flavor it is.

Getting Around... Getting Lost!

Being a cold-weather climate, Torontonians take advantage of a massive underground city in their downtown area linked by tunnels called the PATH. Being the first week of warm-weather temperatures in the area, and not wanting to deal with the huslte-and-bustle of traffic on the surface, I chose to utilize the PATH to get around the city as often as I could. Lets just say, I probably could have used a GPS to navigate my way through the labyrinth of tunnels underneath the city. First, maps are few and far between, and don't mark where you are. So, once you're lucky enough to find a map, you have to run back to find a sign somewhere that tells you what building you're under. Then, you have to try and memorize the trail of buildings that you'll need to follow to get to your intended destination because you don't know when you'll find another map. Plus, each time you access a new building, you enter its food court and retail area which usually looks exactly like the one you just left, making you think that you're walking in circles.

The saddest example of this in my case was getting from the CBC building to Toronto city hall, which was the end of the PATH and next door to my hotel. The trip was about 10-15 blocks, so not right around the corner but not that far. If I would have stuck to the surface streets, it probably would have taken me about 20-30 minutes to make the trip. It took me nearly three hours! I ended up going in the complete opposite direction as I ended up walking in a giant circle underneath the city. If I had stuck to the surface, I could have used landmarks like the CN Tower to navigate myself, but you don't have that luxury when you're underground (and I was too stubborn to give up on my quest of making it back). And those who are looking for assistance from the denizens of the underground will quickly learn that they mainly stay in the PATH. Thus, they may not know how to get to where you want to go as they only know the route to get to where they need to be.

So, a tip for future visitors to Toronto that want to try out the underground... Take the map with you! Trust me on this, you'll save yourself a lot of headaches while getting to traverse the city in relative comfort.

Maybe Canadians Aren't That Smart

There's a great website out there called An American's Guide to Canada with cute little factoids observed by an American who moved up to Canada. One of her observations that I didn't fully grasp is that milk in Canada comes in plastic bags. I was thinking like single servings come in small bags like a Capri-Sun. I imagined little Canadian children at lunch fruitlessly punching at their pouch of milk with their crummy little plastic straws. But no, THEY SELL REGULAR MILK CARTONS IN PLASTIC BAGS! It was just so weird that I had to take a picture in the local grocery store. I had to like pick it up and survey it just to figure out the logistics of why it was deemed a preferable method of holding milk than, say, something that won't pop when you throw it in your cart. Now, I'm guessing that this is done to cut back on waste, as in order to use it you have to use a reusable plastic milk pitcher but there has to be a better way. Maybe they're just that far ahead of us Americans that they look at the plastic jugs that we use in astonishment.

They're Also Just As Likely to Blow A News Story Out of Proportion

Well, here in the Bay Area, we have the story of hottie teacher Debra Lafave having an illicit tryst with one of her students... In Canada the story of Karla Homolka. In just the couple of days that I was up there, I think I pretty much understand the story. About 15 years or so ago, Karla was married to a guy named Paul Bernardo, a dude who got his rocks off by raping and torturing young women before killing them. While wife Karla was not indicted with being involved in any of the murders, she isn't exactly an innocent party. It's said that she knew exactly what was going on, and even offered up her own sister by drugging her and giving her to Paul as a type of gift. In all, three women including Karla's sister, were murdered and Bernardo has been locked up for the rest of his life.

However, the Canadian media has jumped all over the story of Karla's upcoming release and the Ontario government's attempts to insure that she's not released unrestrained on the general population. Since the courtrooms were closed to the media, news reports showed countless photographers chasing after the prison van carrying the blonde-haired convict (probably another reason why the nation is so enraptured with the case, she was a very beautiful woman). Reports of her narcissim and her manipulative nature were front page news in all of the Toronto dailies, and things blew up when news of a prison library liaison with a fellow inmate, a guy who was convicted of strangling his ex-girlfriend who had just dumped him, was released.

Watching the news on CityTV Wednesday night, almost half of the entire newscast was reports on the Homolka case. They had news from the Quebec courtroom, interviews with protesters, a trip to Karla's hometown to get the reaction of locals, and any other bit of information they could milk out of the case.

Visit to Canada's Wonderland

One of the main things that I wanted to do was visit Parmount Canada's Wonderland, which is said to be home to the most roller coasters in Canada. The newest attraction at Canada's Wonderland is a new coaster based on the film The Italian Job called... Well, The Italian Job Stunt Track (pic). After waiting in line for about 45 minutes just for the ride to open, luckily the wait once it opened was relatively short (especially in comparison to the wait times throughout the day). In all, The Italian Job was kind of quick, but a cute little ride. Coming from Universal, I'm used to their massive coasters like the Incredible Hulk and Dueling Dragons. Definitely, none of the attractions at Canada's Wonderland comes close to these two awesome rides, but there were a lot of great rides. The Mighty Canadian Minebuster is probably the roughest wooden coaster I've ever been on, and while I only could stand going on it once, it was probably one of the coolest. A ride, that if it were a little bit longer would probably rate as my favorite inverted coaster over Dragons and Busch Gardens' Montu, was Top Gun. And a lot of love to theming an attraction after a movie that's nearly twenty years old. The Tomb Raider "flying" coaster was cool, but not as intense as Superman Ultimate Flight at Six Flags Over Georgia which was awesome. Plus, that there appeared to be dog crap right beneath you at the point that you go face-down was kind of gross. Luckily you were already a few feet up at that point so it wasn't like your face was going to rub in it.

Of course, me being as lame as I am, my favorite attraction wasn't one of the coasters... No, it was the SpongeBob Squarepants 3-D movie. Obviously, the attraction isn't meant to be there long-term, so it doesn't have any of the in-theater elements like at Universal's Shrek 4-D. However, the motion of the seats is more along the lines of Jimmy Neutron or the old Hanna-Barbera ride (if we're doing Universal comparisons). If only they had put a little more theming and more elements into it, it probably would have topped both of those in my opinion.

And that, I guess, is the thing at Universal and the other major Florida theme parks that you don't appreciate until you go to other parks. When you get into the line at say Jaws, you're supposedly immersed entirely into life in Amity Village which was the site of the movie. You enter the line, the TVs show the faux-TV show Good Day Amity on TV station WJWS, if you get stuck out in the extended queue, they have the radio station WJAW with Amity billboards. The queue building is made to look like a building on a fisherman's wharf with various fishing equipment and even some props from the film. It's, as we would say, a total experience from once you enter the line until you get off the ride. That kind of stuff is missing from places like Canada's Wonderland. Having never seen the movie The Italian Job, I couldn't really appreciate the elements of the attraction (like, if it's called The Italian Job, why are you racing around LA?). Each queue ran the same in-house video with various ads (Friday nights on the Family Channel and Lords of Dogtown, which I don't think even is a Paramount movie, and videos ran CONSTANTLY) don't really get you pumped for the ride. I know that these places are from a different era of theme parks, but it really does make you appreciate what goes into the new attractions here.

Anyways, I loved Canada's Wonderland... I wish that my legs weren't hurting from the journey through the PATH from the day before, or that I didn't want to go to the free night at the Royal Ontario Museum, to have gotten to spend more time there. I was wanting to go on an old school coaster called The Bat which took riders backwards and forwards over the same track, but as it could only run one cycle at a time, the line for it was long throughout the day.

Scott Thompson -- Gay Icon

I guess with the start of June being Gay Pride Month, last Wednesday Canadian television network launched their newest reality program My Fabulous Gay Wedding with host, former Kids In the Hall troupe member, Scott Thompson on the Global Network. I think Scott's pretty much found a niche for himself... Anything having to do with gay men, he seems to pop up. Hey, nothing wrong with that.

What made watching the show funny for me is the fact that my hotel, which is really a college dorm that leases rooms out during the summer, did not have television sets in the room. Like in a college dorm, there was a common room that had a television. Normally, I'd be in there all by myself, but halfway through the show, someone actually came in and sat down to watch TV with me. I'm about as straight a guy as can be, but I thought that it was funny that I was sitting there watching a gay marriage show with another guy. Can only imagine what type of impression that I made on him.

Anyways, the show was Queer Eye if the guys made over each other and got married at the end. I think I actually saw the first week's couple, Rob and Greg, at a dog festival I attended on Saturday. Anyways, Scott was barely in it but acted as the show's narrator (and would pop up on screen with cards showing how many more days to the wedding) as the future spouses go through the motions of having their weddings planned for them by a crew of wedding experts. The show is supposed to be carried as one of the inaugural programs for Viacom's gay-centric network Logo, but I haven't seen much on that channel in a while. It was supposed to launch in February, but it didn't and now the Viacom website makes no mention of them.

Other Things That I Got to Do

• Hang out at the top of the CN Tower: an obvious must if you're visiting the city (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3)
• Visited the Steam Whistle Brewery: located in a really cool old-fashioned building just next to the CN Tower, they were giving out free samples and it was really, really good. I'm not a beer connosieur per se, but I know what I like. (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3) It also had a great piece of art that I just don't understand why it's not hanging in a museum somewhere.
• Got to see the Stanley Cup at the Hockey Hall of Fame: makes you wonder what some of those guys in the "Legends" room think of what's happening to their sport now (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3)
• Visited the grandest palace in the game of hockey, Maple Leaf Gardens: really, something needs to be done to preserve this place. I had heard that a local grocery store chain was considering buying it and putting one of their stores in there, but opted not to partially due to public outrage. But right now, it's just an empty building and it's almost depressing to see it in the state it's in.
• Got to see the current homes of Toronto sports, the Air Canada Centre (pic) and the Rogers Centre (formerly SkyDome - pic): it killed me because I had found online that the last tours of the ACC were on May 31st, the day I got into town. Then, on Saturday at 4, I found a posting on their website stating that they were still offering tours through the end of June! So I missed out on my chance to visit the Leafs locker room.
• Visited the CBC Museum: kind of a waste of time, as it's really small and doesn't really offer much. I was thinking that there would be like a room dedicated to The Kids In the Hall or something. Nope, nada... But I did get to see the original trolley from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood which apparently started out as a Canadian television show.
• Attended Woofstock, a dog festival in the Distillery District: a lot of fun as the place was just crammed with people and dogs. (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3)
• Flying home on WestJet Airlines: well, WestJet is the equivalent to JetBlue airlines over here, with more legroom and TVs built into the headrests. As a TV junkie, I was totally looking forward to watching TV on my way back to Orlando, but for most of the flight the TVs didn't work. And, when they did, I couldn't really get the channels I wanted. So, I ended up finally getting to see Desparate Housewives... Only I had to watch it in French. But if anything can possibly make Eva Longoria hotter, it's hearing her with a French voiceover. C'est magnifique!
• Since I was so lazy that I wouldn't go out some nights, I did get to check out some cool stuff on TV. Besides Scott Thompson's reality show, I also got to see The Story of the Beastie Boys and Britney Spears: Live From Miami, which was from her Onyx Hotel Tour which they feature on her reality show, Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, on MuchMusic. I swear, I know people who have paid to see certain "shows" in New Orleans that don't get to see as much action as you could see at a Britney concert. Damn!
• Another show I got to watch (see, I keep telling you people I'm lazy!) was this Dancing With the Stars, which in Canada comes on CTV (here in the States it comes on ABC). At first, I had no idea what it was other than just a ballroom dancing show, but what caught my eye as I was flipping channels was this large guy gliding across the floor who looked exactly like boxer Evander Holyfield. Of course, it ends up that he really is Evander Holyfield. While I definitely like seeing him more on the dance floor than in the ring (where you can't help but worry over him), how many cool points do you lose by being seen on national television ballroom dancing? Just asking.
• Also, while watching TV, I got to see Canadian crooner Paul Anka, who was in town promoting his new album and was going to be inducted in the Canadian Entertainers Hall of Fame or something. Anyways, on his new album he remakes modern rock songs into big band and swing songs. He was on the news signing a skat version of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit, and it was really cool! Don't know how Kurt would have felt about it if he were still alive, but I liked it.

Things I Missed Out On

• I got to walk through the Entertainment District, but there wasn't really anything going on at the time that I wanted to check out. But, there were plenty of cool little bars and shops to visit that I saw.
• CityTV: well, I got to check out the news on City, but Friday nights on the channel are great. The first time I visited Toronto, I was flipping channels and came across this sock puppet smoking a cigar and swearing like a sailor. Something you never see in "the States". This was my first encounter with Ed the Sock whose show runs on Friday nights. He formerly had a show on MuchMusic USA before they changed the format to make Fuse. In addition, I could have totally embrassed all that makes me a wannabe Canadian as, on regular over-the-air television, they air Skinemax-style soft-core porn on Friday nights as part of their Baby Blue 2 series. I love that their website pretty much admits to the fact that they originally began airing these shows back when the channel first started out as a way to generate publicity for itself... And it worked! But, I was way too tired to make it that late on Friday, so I missed out on both.
• Reservoir Bitches: what sounded pretty funny, it was a play running at The Pilot which was an adaptation of Reservoir Dogs if it was played by women. Where being Mr. Pink would not be considered an insult (well, probably Ms. Pink wouldn't be an insult). Unfortunately, my lazy butt and my aching legs refused to let me get the ten blocks to see the play.

Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy

Man, I saw so many gorgeous women while I was up in Toronto that it wasn't even funny. I actually started taking pictures to post for you, but the first day I had taken up so much space on my camera's data card that I started to delete them so I could take other pictures. So, ladies of Toronto, it's a good thing that I don't live up there... And that I'm so lazy, or you'd be in trouble.

Do You Mean Anakin Was Darth Vader?!?!?!

What is up, everyone out there in Internet-land??? Wow, this week is going to be great! Why you may ask? It is my last week of work before I head up to my favorite place on Earth for a little vacation time, Toronto. So, if either of my readers have any recommendations of cool stuff to do in the T.O., feel free to send them to me in care of AOwL.com. But alas my loyal readers, me being out of town means that there will be no updates next week. I know that your lives revolve around my weekly commentaries (yeah, weekly... that "was" the plan), but I'm sure there'll be much to discuss in my next posting.

Movie Review
Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (Four Owls out of Five)

So, I don't know if any of you guys might have heard, but the newest Star Wars came on last Thursday. Why does Lucas just toss these movies out with no warning or commercial tie-ins? Well, I wasn't diehard enough to go see it on Thursday or Friday, so I took in the 5pm showing on Saturday afternoon with my brother in beautiful Orlando, Florida. First off, it didn't appear that the PG-13 rating of the film turned off any families, as I would say that the vast majority of people there were with "younglings". Really, there's only one scene in the film that I think pushed this movie into PG-13, and it lasts but a minute or so.

The movie is great! Lets just say that Episodes I & II were practice for some of the things that he did in Episode III. While the movie still has the cartoonish feel with the massive amount of CGI effects, it has definitely gotten better since Episode I was released in 1999. The first shot in the movie is very reminiscent of the opening shot of the original Star Wars with the Star Destroyer chasing after Princess Leia's ship.

While I loved the movie, as a Star Wars faithful, there were just too many glaring discrepancies and some absolutely horrible dialogue that kept me from giving it the full five (or even 4 1/2). Lets just say that some of the "romantic poetry" I could have spit out in my ninth grade composition class and probably wouldn't have gotten that great of a grade on it. Really, Natalie Portman's best scene in the film is during her funeral (yes, Padme dies... Anakin also becomes Darth Vader and is Luke's father!) where she's just laying there looking totally hot. While the movie attempts to tie the knot between the original series and this series of prequels, it's almost like you need to disregard everything you knew from the first three movies to not question constantly what's going on in this film. I'm definitely going to be seeing it again in its theatrical run, and will have to follow my own advice next time. The die-hard Star Wars fans will know what I'm talking about, even the casual fans may pick up on some of it. But, maybe I'm just overly picky.

So, since it made nearly $160 million in its first weekend, I'm guessing most of you probably have already checked it out. If not, it's probably something that even the non-fan would enjoy and a film that definitely should be appreciated on the big screen. Definitely hit it up sometime when you have nothing better to do!

Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy - Sumi Das

Ah, she was going to be my lady last week, but she got usurped by the gorgeous Katleen. But something needs to be said on how gorgeous Sumi Das is. If there's big news coming out of Washington, D.C. each weekday morning, I get to wake up to Sumi reporting it while watching Good Day Tampa Bay on WTVT. Back in the day, she also had a cool show on TechTV before its merger with G4. Any woman from that channel has definite hotness cred (ahh... Morgan)! So Sumi, I shall be in New York for a few days over the weekend, so feel free to come up and try to stalk me, because I just won't have the energy when I come back from vacation to stalk you. Well, not like I ever would feel like it!

Random Thoughts

• I don't know if it was intentional, but there was a great moment on G4's website last week. On Tuesday, they had devoted the entire site to the release of Star Wars. There was a link on their main page for an article with a headline stating something like "A True Star Wars Fan States Why He Loved Phantom Menace". For those out of the know of all things Star Wars, Phantom Menace was the first of the prequel trilogy, and was absolutely abysmal. So, I was curious to see what redeeming qualities it had which I may have missed. So, I clicked on the story and it took me to a "Page Not Found" screen. Either a great practical joke or ironic mistake.
• Sitting through the trailers prior to Episode III, I don't know, but did Lucas make sure that all of them sucked? Maybe it's a bad sign for what's left of the summer movie season when none of the trailers prior to the biggest film of the movie looked halfway decent. Just pointing it out.
• Got to attend the final Orlando Predators home game of the season. Had a great time, got to meet the cheerleaders (Puurrr!!!) after the game, and got to hang out on the field. So, good luck to the Preds who head up to New York this weekend for the first game in the Arena League playoffs agains the Dragons.

Welcome to Mickey Mouse Hell

Welcome back, everybody! I decided to title this week's post after my soon-to-be-released Orlando travel guide, "Welcome to Mickey Mouse Hell." Keep an eye out in your local bookstore's travel section. Well, I guess if last week's post really didn't have anything going on, this week's will have only slightly more. As your conduit to the world of pop culture, I made my trip to the movies on Saturday a double-feature. I also got to check out a new TV show and a new CD that both came out last week. And, as usual, I have a "Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy." So, good times all around.

Movie Reviews

• Kingdom of Heaven (4 1/2 out of 5 Owls)

The first movie I checked out on my Saturday double-feature was the Ridley Scott Crusades epic "Kingdom of Heaven." As a part-time history dork, the Dark Ages and the Crusades is not a time period I normally study, so I was interested in checking it out. Of course, the last movie of this type that I saw in the theaters was the tedious "Troy" so anything would be better than that dreck. But, "Kingdom of Heaven" was really a great film. The story revolves around Balian, a French blacksmith who discovers that his father is a nobleman in the court of the king of Jerusalem who has come to ask his son to join him to protect the holy city from war. From there, we go through the motions of an average man overcoming his own self-doubt and nobility of the court looking their noses down at him to become a hero. Ridley Scott is the director of "Gladiator" so the war scenes in this movie can be heavy on the blood, but it's a lot more important tool to show the brutality of battle than say a movie like "House of Wax." But definitely, "Kindom of Heaven" is for those who like history. If you're looking for action and war like "Gladiator", well there's a lot of down time in between the battle scenes that'll probably bore you. If you're a woman who's wanting to check out Orlando Bloom, well if you liked seeing Brad Pitt in "Troy" than maybe you'll dig it. I loved it, and I think others will too.

• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1 1/2 out of 5 Owls)

Well, maybe this movie suffered from seeing such a great film before it, but "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" did absolutely nothing for me. The film, based on the series of books by Douglas Adams, chronicles the voyages of an average Englishman who's plucked from our planet just seconds before it's demolished to make way for an intergalactic highway. I haven't read the books, but I've always heard great things about them and the excerpts that I've read have been hysterical. And, it seems like any remote use of humor that was in the books was dropped from the movie adaptation. It started out with great promise, as the opening credits are sung by dolphins shortly before they evacuate the planet (as they are the second most intelligent species on the planet while humans score third) to a song called "So Long and Thanks For All the Fish." It's that type of quirky humor that I love. But then, "Hitchhiker's" quickly devolves. Much of it just seems like things are dropped for time, like why it was important for them to get salt in their systems before going into space, why towels are so important, why some intergalactic preacher wanted to send the heros of the film on a trek for a gun, blah, blah, blah... When you're looking down at your watch to see how much longer a movie is within the first half-hour, it's not a good sign. The only moments that made this movie somewhat redeemable were the chronically depressed robot Marvin (voiced appropriately by Alan Rickman) and the fact that the intergalactic president who's clearly not 100% together (probably 20%-25% tops) seemed to be based on our glorious commander-in-chief. Other than that, the movie was dumb, unfunny, and made no sense. But, considering how much I appear to enjoy the small bits of the books that I've read, it has definitely made me want to read them because I feel that the movie is not a good substitute.

Maybe I'm Just Losing My Sense of Humor

Another show that I had been anticipating because it just seemed totally aimed at me was the new MTV2 show Wonder Showzen. The show is a twisted view of Sesame Street, with kids and puppets exploring "adult" topics. This is like a great new thing that I love, taking TV shows of my childhood and distorting them with an adult sense of humor (isn't that pretty much the basis of most of adult swim's programming?). But, Wonder Showzen just tries to play on the shock factor leaving you to wonder if half of the things were even supposed to be funny. One episode even played on a theme that I love to mock, White People, and it still wasn't even remotely funny. Just entirely LAME! Instead of this, maybe we can get some Sifl & Olly reruns??? Please!!! That was a pretty funny show, and now that MTV2 seems to be in competition with their sister network in how "little" music they'll show during their broadcast day, it'll definitely plug some holes in your schedule instead of six hour Pimp My Ride marathons.

May the Licensing Rights Be With You

Man Lucas, how much money is enough? Well, considering that I read in one of your interviews that following Episode III, you're going to be returning back to the arty movies that you've always wanted to make, maybe it's OK to pad your financial reserves. I guess you just had to grow up in the '70s to have any inkling what "THX 1138" is about and all of the nuance and stuff in it. I just see it as about two hours of my life that I'd like back after watching it on AMC a few months ago.

Anyways, the latest in the Lucas marketing machine is that new commercial for Burger King. In it, Darth Vader has a breathe-off with that creepy new Burger King mascot. E!'s The Soup poked fun at the M&M's commercial with Vader in it, and last night's Family Guy had an ending straight out of the original Star Wars (coincidence that Family Guy comes on FOX, which happens to be owned by the same company releasing the new Star Wars).

And in a weekend when over 100 Iraqis have been killed in various terrorist attacks throughout the country, it's good to see that our local FOX affiliate here in the Bay Area, WTVT, devoted the last ten minutes of their evening newscast last night to probing in-depth why Darth Vader is such an iconic figure in American pop culture. This week, I doubt any media outlet will be immune to the "overwhelming" public interest in the final Star Wars movie... At least, that's what they'll tell you. I mean, I love Star Wars, but I can really do without stories on the news that follow the careers of the stars of the original Star Wars trilogy (I hear Harrison Ford is still making movies). Anyways, I'm going to see it on Saturday afternoon with my little brother, so I'm sure I'll have a movie review for you next week.

Random Thoughts

• It's that time again that all women across this great land dread... This week's "Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy." As always, I need to preface this with the fact that IT'S A JOKE! I'm not some creepy stalker type guy because, in reality, I'm too lazy to really muster the willingness to do anything stalker-ish. Anyways, with that being said, last week I wrote about how excited I am for the new Yahoo! 360 platform that will offer blogging and such with other features, and I mentioned that currently you can get to the 360 pages of Yahoo! employees who are testing the new service. I also pointed out how hot some of these women who work for Yahoo! are. In following up on some of the links I posted, one really stood out... So this week's "Womand I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy" is Katleen (no "h" for goodness sakes!!!). I was all set on a different woman this week, then I checked out Kat's blog where she posted pictures from her trip last weekend to SBC Park in San Francisco where she wears a t-shirt that says "Go Beers!" and I was instantly in love. For those who don't remember or ashamedly have never seen it, that's a shot-out (whether she knows it or not) to one of my favorite movies "BASEketball" where the team was called the Milwaukee Beers. So, she's really cute, has a sense of humor, and is really cute (what can I say, she appears to be half Vietnamese and half El Salvadoran, which is hot). Plus, she has a cute baby pic (when I get my 360 account, I'm putting up my Disco Owl picture from 1979). So, Kat (no "h"), you're this week's "Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy." Feel free to contact me through AOwL.com or just come over to Florida to collect your prize.
• Well, I just got the bi-monthly "keep your Internet usage at work business related" speech. But, I'm here to keep you, my loyal readers informed of whatever it is that I feel like writing to you about because that is what I do!
• To keep bobbing on Yahoo!'s knob (hey Kat, I'm a huge Yahoo! mark, does that give me any in with you), I tried out their new music service Yahoo! Music Unlimited. They're currently giving one week away free, so I'm still trying it out, but for the most part I liked it. For current releases, I was able to download entire CDs for the most part. I tried to download Beck's newest, but his current release E-Pro wasn't available which I believe is because it's covered under an exclusive contract with another provider. But, it was easy to use, download times were pretty quick with my DSL connection, and the music quality was excellent. So, I recommend taking it for a test drive and use that free week offer to check it out.
• After ripping the local Fox affiliate here in Tampa for running a feature piece on Darth Vader, I've gotta give a hand to the venerable Nightline for dedicating their entire show Friday night to Beck. To be fair, Nightline normally does great work and they usually do some soft piece on Fridays. But I love that in the piece, hosted by John Flansburgh of They Might Be Giants, they actually point out the media hype that the record label is trying to generate around Beck's new album as if the whole Nightline piece wasn't part of it. Love Beck, love Nightline, but c'mon... News programming shouldn't be an infomercial for someone's new album.
• Using the new Yahoo! Music Unlimited, I got a chance to check out Weezer's new album Make Believe. I'm a huge Weezer fan, but this album kind of snuck up on me which usually isn't a good sign. In the early days of Weezer, there was usually about three years in between albums and when one was released it was a big deal. Now they've pumped out three albums in four years, and you can definitely tell that maybe the creative process isn't what it once was. While I liked Make Believe, you can combine it with Maldroit and the Green Album, and they're all pretty much the same. The Blue Album and Pinkerton were both excellent and distinguishable from each other with a different style. Maybe it's that Pinkerton wasn't a commercial success that they decided to go back to what made the Blue Album so popular and then repeat it again and again. But, before the Weezer geeks come down and brand me with a flying "W", I would probably give Make Believe, if I were using the 5 Owl movie scale, 3 1/2. It was pretty good, but it just wasn't great. That can happen, though, when bands start churning music like they're working on an assembly line.

You're... You're Doing Good...

What's up, everybody?! Well, I could have really gone through the week without making a post because, really, I've got no material. But, I'm at work and I'm pretty bored, so I thought "What the heck?!"

Places That I'd Rather Work

I'm drooling over the cool applications that are going to be available when Yahoo! offers their new service Yahoo! 360. Currently, if you go on Yahoo! Search and run a check for 360 accounts you can access many of the pages of Yahoo!'s employees who are currently participating in the beta test for this new service. And, in going through some of the profiles, one thing becomes abundantly clear... Yahoo! has a ton of hunnies working up in there!!! Take a look at just a quick sampling:

• http://360.yahoo.com/profile-xAkUl7k6erJ22PpKzJ98I6kQ
• http://360.yahoo.com/profile-ALhyXxA6YrMDVdTrO53sLA--
• http://360.yahoo.com/profile-Z6n_7p4lc68k6VOaBJh6Xto-
• http://360.yahoo.com/profile-UGIr.2s_cqiU9fhqhnI-

I'm really wishing that I did better in my IT classes back at FSU because maybe I could get a job over at their corporate offices in Sunnyvale. You men of Yahoo! don't know how lucky you are!

This Week's "Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy"

Guys who are subscribers to DirecTV's satellite service may hover on the "DirecTV Basics" channel a little longer than they need to learn how to use their system to check out this week's "Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy" -- Tanya Memme. While I only know her from running across the DirecTV Basics channel 201 as I flip channels, apparently Tanya has a series of her own... One of those lame home design-type shows called Sell This House on A&E. And, just to add to her sexual appeal to me, she was Miss World Canada 1993! Purrrr.... So, with her DirecTV Basics repeating every half-hour it feels like I'm stalking her already, but in just about as lazy and non-threatening way as possible. But, as always, if you're interested in stalking me Tanya (because I'm not leaving my couch for anything), feel free to contact me via AOwL.com.

Random Thoughts

• I've been in a rather violent mood lately after having a dream where I kicked some guys ass for messing up my bowling game, so I kicked back and watched some fighting on TV last night. I kicked it off with some UFC matches on FSN Northwest (by the way, love the commercial bumper featuring the Sonics Dance Team looking hot) and then some boxing on Altitude. Organizations like the UFC just show what boxing could be if someone could take the helm and make it a professional sport. Unlike most professional sports, boxing's driving force is the fight promoters whose main goal is to make money for themselves. There are several sanctioning bodies with their own rules but no true organization, and the fighters themselves are at the mercy of their promoter. It's like if the NFL were controlled by the agents (even though some might say that's already occurring). Heck, even storylines on the WWE make more sense than what's going on today in the world of professional boxing, which just makes it way too difficult to follow if you just want to be a casual fan. Chilling at the WingHouse prior to the Ruiz/Toney fight a couple of Saturdays ago, they held a roundtable which included Don King on the current state of the heavyweight division of boxing, and really all that was accomplished was making glaringly clear what shambles the sport is in.
• While in Orlando over the weekend, I was over in the attractions area when I found a throwback to my childhood... Fuddruckers! Fuddruckers is a sit-down hamburger joint which we used to have by where my parents live on the northside of Orlando, but sadly was closed by the health department for repeated violations. Sadly, I could live with health code violations for their burgers, but the new one in Orlando's Festival Bay is much cleaner than the old one in Altamonte Springs, so you get the goodness of a Fuddruckers burger without the specter of biting into spoiled meat or some random insect. So, if you're in town, or if you have a Fuddruckers nearby, I can't recommend it enough for a great burger. And don't let them sucker you into paying for a cheeseburger, the nacho cheese they have on the "fixins bar" is by far the best!

Back From the Depths

What's up, all my peoples?! Sorry about the lack of a post in a while. I had written a great contribution on Monday or Tuesday of last week, got nearly to the end, had to something else really quickly on my computer... And hit close instead of minimize and lost the entire contribution. And, as my readers probably know, I'm lazy and frankly didn't feel like trying to rewrite it. So, I come to you now after about two weeks. Welcome to the first contribution for May 2005 on AOwL.com.

"Obi-Wan Never Told You the Truth... I'm A Complete Sell Out"

We all know that I am on the cutting-edge of pop culture, so I feel that it's my duty to inform you that George Lucas, creator of the Star Wars film franchise, is releasing the sixth and "final" installment of the series on May 19th. I know that Lucas is attempting to keep it on the DL, but it's my responsibility as a blogger to break the news here first.

OK, subtlty is not something that Lucas and his corporate partners with Fox are known for. But as the opening of "Revenge of the Sith" approaches, the sight of all things Star Wars is a constant presence on television. But, it's not in the normal ways as commercials for the film, or the media hype machine (though you can sense it building like a tidal wave getting ready to break as the release date comes closer)... It's in the non-stop ads for Star Wars branded merchandise and other tie-ins. A trip through the local grocery store reveals so much Star Wars related food products and other goods that you may mistake it for that galaxy far, far away. So far, here's a quick recap of some of the related Star Wars tie-ins that I can just think of off the top of my head:

• Cingular - Star Wars themed cell phones, also running a contest for a Darth Vader themed Dodge Viper
• Lego - you can buy kits that turn into Star Wars vehicles and set pieces, there's also a Star Wars video game featuring Lego creations
• 7-Eleven - new Slurpee flavor named after Darth Vader
• Cheetos - new Star Wars packaging on "Extreme" Cheetos
• M&M's - new dark chocolate M&M's with Darth Vader tie-in
• MBNA - offering Star Wars credit cards (I don't necessarily think this is a new thing, but I just started seeing it advertised recently)
• Wal-Mart - offering an exclusive, limited edition set of Star Wars action figures
  

And the thing is, if I actually felt like looking it up, I'm sure that I could find countless, countless more. The thing is, as a marketing graduate, there's almost a certain amount of respect that I have for George Lucas. It's like, as a guy, when you go into a club and see a guy who's just got that certain way with the ladies. It kills you that he can get any woman in the bar that he wants, but you've got to appreciate the amount of game that he has. Every time I see some Star Wars related crap, it's like a little piece of something I held so dear as a kid dies. But, you've gotta respect how George Lucas seizes any opportunity to milk that cash cow. You know that, no matter what, that Star Wars emblem on any piece of junk is going to help sell it. And the fanboys who are so anti-commercial... You know that while they may not buy the merchandise, do you think they're actually NOT going to see the movie in protest. They may just choose to restrict themselves to seeing it two or three times the first day.

So, as much as it pains me, you go George Lucas. That Star Wars franchise is like Midas' golden touch, and if I am so lucky, one day I'll have the same opportunities.

Greatest New Radio Station - Maxim Radio

As you probably remember from one of my posts from back in December, I am the happy owner of a Sirius Satellite Radio system. At the time, some of the literature noted that there was going to be a future channel licensed by Maxim Magazine. What these two have produced is my dream radio station, Maxim Radio. Quite literally, I've always wanted to start my own radio station and it's pretty much what they're now doing with Maxim Radio; a talk radio station targetting young men with fun topics and great music. While they unfortunately don't have a morning show (what radio station doesn't have a morning drive show), and they mostly run repeats of the week's shows on the weekends, it's still a station that I have a hard time turning off. I just have to give a shot out to the four shows currently airing; Covino & Rich (12-4), Bower (4-8), Evan & Brian (8-12), and Demos (weekend afternoons); for just being so insanely funny day in and day out. Now, you just need some fresh bumpers as some of them have been playing since prior to the station going on the air.

The Day Has Finally Arrived

Well, many a fanboy has had today's date, Sunday, May 1st, marked on their calendar since late-January. That's when it was announced the Fox would return the animated cult hit Family Guy to the airwaves with new episodes. In addition, Fox is launching new episodes of The Simpsons and another Seth McFarland vehicle, American Dad. Based on the preview episode of American Dad which aired following the Super Bowl as well as another snippet that showed prior to Fever Pitch, it looks like another great show. I'll admit, I'm totally excited to see what Family Guy is going to be like with a new lease on life with the additional caveat that Fox probably loosened the leash of the show's creators when they saw the potential of the series. I'll probably have more to say on all of the new shows in next week's blog.

Random Thoughts

• Well, in last week's post that wasn't, I had selected a new "Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy" but you guys totally missed out on it. But, to give a beautiful woman her due, it was Karin Anna Cheung from the 2003 film "Better Luck Tomorrow." This woman is so incredibly gorgeous, and yet checking out her filmography on IMDB.com, she hasn't really been in anything before or since that movie. Hello Hollywood producers?!?! I mean, the finale of "Better Luck Tomorrow" has a guy who harbors a crush for her character killing off her boyfriend (it was John Cho, i.e. Harold of "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle"), chopping him to pieces, and then burying him in his backyard to score a date with her. Then, when looking at her, it doesn't seem so inplausible that a guy would go to such a length. That's how hot she is! So, instead of my usual weekly plea for the "Woman I'd Stalk If I Weren't So Lazy" to try reversing the tables and stalk me, I implore Hollywood to give this girl's agent a call and put her in more stuff. It's my duty to make this girl the next hot Asian starlet... Then I'll hit her up for a date, but in my usual lazy way.
• A lot is being made about Phil Jackson's potential return to the NBA and his choice between returning to the Lakers, going back to his roots with the Knicks, or potentially tutoring the next big thing Lebron James in Cleveland. But, Mr. Jackson, here's a pitch for you... Do you really want to deal with Kobe again? Or how about Isiah's ineptitude in the front office in New York? And Cleveland??? Contrary to the song, Cleveland definitely does not rock. So, how about taking a chance and going to "The City Beautiful" as head coach of the Orlando Magic? Here me out on this... The Magic definitely are in the need to make a splash in a community that's growing increasingly apathetic towards its franchise. Management would probably be willing to agree to any terms you want. With a relatively fresh GM who didn't exactly make a splash last year, he could probably have that job too if he wanted it. You have a potential star to mold with Dwight Howard, a superstar who may be on the declining side of his career in Grant Hill but showed great potential last year, and a ton of cap space following next season. So, you've got a year to work with what you've got and scout out what you need during the following offseason. Plus, in a small town like Orlando, you'll be treated like a God. The Magic get a superstar coach who can probably add butts to seats all by himself, and the publicity boom may be able to pus the new arena through that the Magic so desparately want. And the team itself could definitely benefit from a coach with eight championship rings... This is a can't lose proposition. I suspect that they would be able to make a run at the title in the second season! So Phil, I'm just giving you something to think about. I'm sure you're a faithful AOwL.com reader, and this is all I ask for the countless three minutes I provide every week when I feel like writing it.
• Speaking of trying to do good for my favorite sports franchises, two websites have sprung up recently to force out Devil Rays general manager Vince Naimoli. The funny thing is that they're planning a one inning fan strike at an upcoming game... I think the existing fan strike of people just NOT GOING TO THE GAME TO START WITH is working just fine.

OK, the battery on my laptop is about to die, so rather than losing another post I'll wrap this week's post up. Have a great week!